The Kill Tony Set (rehearsal, off the cuff)
Chad Kovac, October 21, 2026.

Narrator: I definitely feel like I could put this on Kill Tony, assuming I could get in the right mind space before the show. I would have to be a little serious, and I think my nerves would grow. But in the actual practice, I'm pretty sure it will come clean, that if I just ignore the crowd I can say whatever I mean, and it's up to them to laugh at the weird shit I come up with. But I can just keep going on, off the cuff, and every once in a while I just want to talk to you, and see what the hell you're thinking about. But you're paying attention to the poetry, or the lyrics, or the pattern, or the ratatat behind me. I don't know what this band's doing. I love them to death, but they blind me. Like, what are we talking about. Sometimes I feel like everything's a joke.

Narrator: And then I stop cold. I literally stop cold for a second, just stand there. And then I return with.

Narrator: And you have no idea when to laugh at me. That's not my fault, but that's funny as can be, and that's where you should laugh, because what the fuck is he even talking about. He's just standing up there rambling on and on sometimes, but then all of a sudden he stops, and he like fucking looks into my soul. And then he laughs. I laugh some more. And I can start and stop, because I can feel them no more. The audience isn't even there. If I were on the show, if I were on Kill Tony, they wouldn't know where to go. I wouldn't even see them. I don't care what they say. Tony, the what. I don't even really know who that guy is. I know he's gay. That's an appropriate place to put a joke. And by God, if you don't laugh, because I'm funny as fuck, or you can turn off the gas, because my van is piped in. Like seriously, I spent a lot of money to have nitrogen oxide pumped into this room. I probably spent as much time as I did crafting this joke. And this is a good time to laugh. If you don't, I hope you choke.

Narrator: And then again I just stop, and stand, and stare at them in their souls, while I'm talking into the microphone, and say these words that I've just come up with, off the top of the cough. And they just look at me like, what, when the fuck, he's in my soul. And then they realize I'm not. I'm just talking to them. And I wish they would pay attention, because attention is retention. And I'm getting a little old now. And I mean, to be honest with you, sometimes there's a little leakage, or a little drippage, and that's just the way it goes, because I'm 54 now. I don't know, 55. Who knows. I think I'm 53. I'm born in 1972. And I'm just standing here talking about my birthday, and you're laughing your asses off. I don't understand this place. I mean, it's not me that's crazy. I think it's you. And if you're not laughing now, I don't know what to do, because this world is nuts. And fuck you too.